How to Visit a New Mom

I've had two babies in the last 3 years. A wonderful experience, but also an exhausting one! I loved this blog about how to visit a new mom. Read the blog, but also read the comments because there are some really good insights in the comments and you'll see that what might be appreciated by one new mom might not be appreciated by another.

The highlights:

*Take a meal: have it ready to eat, packed in disposal dishes they don't have to return, include paper plates/napkins/silverware so they don't have to do dishes.

*Include healthy snacks: if you are taking a meal, also include some snacks like cut up fruits and veggies, trail mix, etc. Or just take a snack. I had a friend bring me a container of roasted vegetable orzo. It's served at room temperature so you don't even have to heat it up. It made a great snack for this hungry nursing mom!

*Offer to help -- take out the garbage, clean a bathroom, load the dishwasher and start it.

*Don't overstay your welcome. The original blog said to limit visits to 15 minutes -- and I personally think that is a good rule of thumb, but there were a lot of comments from blog readers that felt differently. I would say, though, that you are better off with a visit that is too short than a visit that is too long!

*Wash your hands before you touch their baby.

*You can do this for a new mom any time in the first year! Most visitors come in the first month, but a hot meal or a little bit of help would be appreciated by most moms any time!

*Finally, when my second daughter was born I had a 2-year-old and the thing I appreciated more than anything else was when someone would take my 2-year-old. She needed and wanted to get out and it was so hard for me to do that with a newborn. I have a couple of friends that would come and take her for a walk or to the park for an hour. It was wonderful!

Wedding Card

I love weddings! My cousin got married this week and I wanted to make a special card for her. Conveniently, my card club is also doing a wedding theme this month so I'm going to make more of these for our card exchange.

I found this idea here. Lynn Pratt designed this beautiful card and generously provides a free printable template to make your own.

I got a Silhouette for Christmas (it's a cutting machine, like a Cricut). So, I decided to create my own templates (copying Lynn's idea) for the Silhouette. If anyone is interested in the Silhouette files, I'd be happy to share. Just leave me a comment with your email address.

7 Ways to Help in Any Situation

This blog was born out of my own feelings of inadequacy to know what to do in situations when I really wanted to help – and my admiration for people that I have known who seem to know just what to do or say. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but as I have looked for ways to help and asked people what they have found helpful, I have come up with a list of things you can do in almost any situation. I would love to hear feedback on this list. Are there things you agree or disagree with on this list? Is there anything you would add?

Send a card or an email.
Often people are inundated and overwhelmed when a crisis hits and would prefer that you not call or visit. But sending something written is something they can look at when they are ready.

In Beyond Words, a breast cancer survivor talks about the cards she received. She set them up on her dining room table and looked at them frequently. She said those messages of support lifted her and helped her through some dark moments. She found them so helpful that she suggests to others going through cancer that they find a place to display the cards they receive so that they can read through them on hard days.

Listen more than you talk.
I always worry I'll put my foot in my mouth -- and I have certainly done so on occasion! But you can't go wrong by listening.

Often people need a kind ear. However, don't push someone to talk. If they aren't ready to talk, let them know you will be available if and when they would like to talk.

Ask before you do.
In most cases, I recommend asking permission to perform service for someone. There are so many factors you may not be aware of: dietary restrictions, what other people have already done, etc. There is also a higher chance of the service being misinterpreted.

So take a minute to call and say, "I'd like to bring you a meal. Would Monday night be okay and, by the way, does your family have any food allergies?" or "I’d like to come visit you in the hospital. Is this a good time and is there anything I can bring with me?" or "I was thinking it might be helpful to shine your family's shoes for the funeral -- may I do that for you?"

Sometimes the person in the situation is being inundated with calls, etc. and it would be better to check with a family member instead of the person directly. For instance, my sister had a friend that lost a baby in a preterm birth. She called the mother of her friend to check to see if she thought it would be appropriate/appreciated to send a bouquet of flowers or if there was something else she could do that would be more appreciated.

Offer a specific service.
People often say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help." I believe most people mean it when they say it, but they don't usually get taken up on their offer. It is too vague. Instead, offer something specific. They may take you up on it - but even if they don't, your offer of help will be more memorable when there is something they need.

Look through the posts on this site to find some ideas of things that might be helpful for the specific situation you are dealing with. Some things that are almost always helpful:
• Meals
• Childcare

Be observative.
Often you can find a specific, helpful service just by paying attention as you talk to or visit with someone.

I recently watched this in action. When a mother in my neighborhood passed away, several people reached out in a variety of ways to help. Neighbors took in meals to the father and children at home as well as to adult children living nearby. Her teenage daughter was taken by her choir group to get her hair done and a new dress. Mariana thought to ask about another daughter at home, a young adult daughter with Down Syndrome. She took this daughter to get a new dress. She watched and listened to what was being done, then identified something specific that she could do to help.

Bring a notebook.
I think the most useful tool in almost any situation is a small notebook. It can be used to keep track of food/meals/services/visitors/cards for later thank you's or just as a reminder of the outpouring of love and service. It can be used to keep track of medical information. Consider taking a notebook and pen to someone who has recently had a crisis, along with a suggestion of how it might be used.

Continue to offer support.
Long after a hospital stay is over or a loved one is buried, those affected are likely to still struggle with grief and emotions. Letting people know you are thinking of them – and being willing to talk about what happened is helpful.

I know that on at least two occasions, I have marked dates on my calendar intending to reach out to someone I care about as they go through those first anniversaries without a loved one: the holidays, the birthday of the person they lost, the anniversary of the person’s death. On both occasions, when I noticed the dates come up on my calendar, I wasn’t sure how to handle it and did nothing. Since then, I have observed others handle this by sending a short note remembering the person that was lost. We just passed the anniversary of my husband’s aunt’s death and I was so touched by a short video that was posted, and reposted on Facebook by many family members, celebrating her life.

Meal Ideas

I am always looking for good ideas for taking a meal to someone. AnnaJune has been in and out of the hospital this past week with her baby who had RSV (so scary! but he's starting to do better!). She shared some things she appreciated about meals brought into her family:

*One person brought us a basket of fruit with dinner. So great! It was something we could eat that night or leave for another day.

*One person brought in a casserole and also included little cups of applesauce and microwave popcorn. That ought to get the pickiest eaters, right?

*One person brought dinner in Tupperware. It was hot and ready to eat, but clean up was a breeze: just put the lids back on and stick it in the fridge. She also said she didn't want the containers back, so there was no need to worry about getting dishes back to someone.

If you have any tips to share, I'd love to hear them! Leave a comment or email me.

Bridal Shower - Free Printables

I hosted a bridal shower for a dear friend today. Here is the invitation:


I wanted to do a "firsts" theme. I couldn't find a poem online for the invitation, so I came up with this rather cheesy one:

Before the Miss becomes a Mrs
Let's shower her with love and good wishes!
The wedding day is almost here
Bring something Caroline can use the first year:
The first time they do dishes, that very first night
Their first Christmas together, the first time they fight.

I thought it was a fun theme. Some of the gifts she got were:
*for their first shower together (from me, it was a shower caddy they registered for filled with shampoo, body washes, and poufs)
*the first time they don't have time to make a big breakfast (muffin tin and muffin mix)
*their first Valentine's day (a dozen roses and some candles and other romantic items).

We'd also videotaped her fiancee ahead of time answering several questions about their first meeting, first impressions of each other, first date, first kiss, etc. We asked Caroline the questions at the shower, let her answer, and then played the video of Dave answering the same questions. I really enjoyed hearing their answers and learning more about their courtship.

Video Love Story Questions

I also asked all the guest to fill out a card with some thoughts on the first year of marriage. I took a picture of Caroline with each guest and I'll put together a photo album with each person's picture next to their card.

Advice cards (three 4 x 6 cards per page)

I decorated in hot pink because that is the main wedding color. I also wrapped all of my picture frames in hot pink wrapping paper. I thought it was a fun - and easy way - to make the room look more festive.

We had rolls, oriental chicken salad, cranberry-blueberry oatmeal cookies, double-chocolate banana cookies, and cream puffs. I'll include the recipes at the end of this post.

The favor table: The little bags are filled with dark chocolate pomegranates.

Here are the recipes, as promised.

Oriental Chicken Salad
Serves 16
I started with this recipe.

1/2 head of Napa cabbage, chopped
1/2 head of red cabbage, chopped
3 heads of romaine, chopped
6 medium carrots, peeled and grated on largest setting
10 chicken tenders, cooked according to package directions and sliced*
1 package chow mein noodles
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained well
slivered almonds (optional)
honey mustard dressing (recipe follows)

Toss cabbages, romaine, and carrots together in a large bowl and set aside. (I actually doubled this so I could use the whole heads of both cabbages, then saved the extra salad for something else.)

Toss salad with about half of the dressing. Top salad with sliced chicken tenders, chow mein noodles, and mandarin oranges. Toss lightly.

Put out remaining dressing and a bowl of slivered almonds for people to add if desired.

*I used all white meat crispy chicken tenders from Costco

Honey Mustard Dressing
3/4 cup honey
6 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
1 cup mayonaise
4 tsp dijon mustard
1/2 tsp sesame chili oil

Mix all ingredients and blend well with an electric mixer.

Double-Chocolate Banana Cookies
Recipe found here.

Cranberry-Blueberry Oatmeal Cookies
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
4 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
2 TBSP hot water
3 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp soda
4 cups oatmeal
1 cup dried blueberries
1 cup dried cranberries (craisins)

Cream butter, sugars, eggs, and vanilla. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend well. Bake at 375 degrees for 7 to 9 minutes.

Both of the cookie recipes are from my mother-in-law with minor adaptations. Both of them work well with white flour or whole wheat flour or a mixture of the two. Both recipes also freeze really well. To freeze: cool cookies completely, place desired amount into freezer bags and freeze. To serve: remove bag from freezer 1 hour before serving.

Baby Shower - Free Printables

I love throwing showers. Especially when there are lots of people helping so I can focus on a few key things.

Here is the baby shower invitation:

I made a baby sock tree as a gift and decoration. I found the idea here.

I took the details off the invitations, added some information like
"Welcome," "Please share some words of advice with Annie," and
"Thanks for Coming". Then I put them in some simple black frames.

Game Booklet (Word)
Advice Card (PDF), 4 x 6, 3 per page

I didn't do any of the food or the banner -
I had to include a picture, though, because I think it all turned out so well!

I made simple little jelly belly favors.

Here is a picture of me with the mom-to-be.

We also played a fun game I had never seen before.
You put a safety pin between your knees:

Then you try to drop the pin into a baby bottle:

Now that the baby shower is over, I will print the pictures I took and put them with the advice cards in a photo album for the mom-to-be.

Charity Never Faileth

Copyright by Elspeth Young. All Rights Reserved. Courtesy of Al Young Studios

My in-laws gave me a print of this painting for Christmas. It is my favorite painting by my favorite LDS artist and I love having it hanging in my living room.

It is a painting of the Widow of Zarephath, the woman that fed the prophet Elijah during a famine with her last bit of oil and flour and then miraculously her oil and flour lasted throughout the famine.

And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah...
And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the
cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord,
which he spake by Elijah.
1 Kings 17:15-16

I love this story from the Old Testament. I also love Elspeth Young's interpretation of it. If you click on the picture at the top of this post, you can read about why she painted the woman as she did.

This month's visiting teaching message is on the History of the Relief Society. At the end of the message it says, "What can I do to help the sisters I visit receive the gift of charity?"

I am planning to use this story in my lesson and made some bookmarks to leave with the ladies I visit. I printed these as a 5 x 7 picture at Costco, then cut them, and mounted them onto cardstock. If you go to the link, you should be able to save the image.